- godric: i took your advice salazar
- salazar: what advice
- godric: about having giant versions of our house animals
- salazar: oh no
- godric: i got a 60 foot lion
- salazar: oh no
- godric: she's in the grounds right now
- salazar: OH NO
- godric: look out the window bro
- salazar: wait i dont see her
- godric: yeah i was lion about the whole thing
- salazar: i cant believe i let that pun slytherin to the conversation
- godric: ayyyyy
- salazar: ayyyyy
back when i was in community college my teacher told us the story of a girl in his class who wanted to have sex with her boyfriend but they didnt have any lube so they used mayonnaise. fast forward a couple of days and she’s getting random orgasms during class and driving places so she goes to the doctor and they check her out and guess what they found
okay ill tell you it was maggots. maggots were in her vagina giving her orgasms.
Glass Blower: Sculpting A Horse From Molten Glass
#this bitch just said let there be horse and there was
Yes, it does.
Guys get morning wood because our bladders fill up during the night and begin to press against our prostate, causing arousal. Our dicks don’t just feel the sun coming up and think “My time has come”
Every time I think I’ve settled on a favourite episode of Firefly, I watch another one and realize “no THIS one is my favourite”.
and i expect all of you to watch it
PLACE YOUR BETS, PLAAAAAACE YOUR BETS HERE
i was never jealous of barbie’s body
i was jealous of all the shit she had and that fucking mansion and her pimp ass car and her hot boyfriend
The Great British Bake Off: a summary
sirius and james being facebook married
It’s no one else’s fault that you aren’t that
I don’t get this shit
Isn’t that the best description of a baby penguin you have ever heard!?
the 90’s were hard for everyone
Client: My fiancé and I are unhappy with the engagement photos you sent us.
Me: What’s wrong with them?
Client: We’re wearing sweat pants in them!
Me: But that’s what you wore to the shoot. I asked you on the day if you wanted to change into something more appropriate and you said no.
Client: Well, I didn’t know you were going to leave them in the actual photos. You’re a professional photographer - you’re supposed to Photoshop better clothing onto us or whatever.
Me: That’s not really what I do, nor is it really how Photoshop works…
Client: Don’t lie to me! I’ve seen what Photoshop can do in magazines and stuff like that. It’s not my fault you don’t know how to do your job properly!